I remember when the stock market crashed in 1987. I had to inform a 16-year-old that 1987 wasn’t “a long time ago” the other day, but that’s another story. So, in 1987 after a crash, who’d CNN talk to? Sam Walton. Makes sense. Sam Walton owned a lot of stock.
So, when the Dow dropped 390 points on Friday, who’d CNN talk to?

Billy Joel.

Yeah, that Billy Joel. The washed-up rock star. Here’s proof. Scroll down to the 10th paragraph. (At least they buried the quote. Somewhat.) The hook they hung it on? He recently got out of drug rehab. Yeah, that makes him an expert on finance. And you know what he said? He said he didn’t own much stock.

I thought I was reading The Onion!

Now, granted, at least the things Billy Joel said were semi-intelligent. But it wasn’t anything your next-door neighbor couldn’t have told you. People are scared. They have good reason to be scared. (He didn’t qualify what those reasons were.) He doesn’t trust big business because of the scandals.

In other words, Billy Joel is even less qualified to talk about the stock market than I am. At least I own some stock.

But if this is what they think is news, I sure hope I don’t own any AOL-Time Warner.