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He likes ’em young

My two-year-old got a hand-addressed letter in the mail today from his bank. He has a kids’ club account there. They give kids some ridiculous interest rate (7% or so) on balances up to $500, up until age 13. It’s an effective tactic to get parents in the door so they can sell them other accounts and services.

The contents of the letter weren’t exactly what I expected. My wife couldn’t figure out why I was laughing uncontrollably.The letter, you see, was from the senior loan officer. It was offering him a mortgage, and offering to get him pre-approved at no charge.

I have visions of a red Radio Flyer pedal car and a red tricycle parked in the driveway of the house for sale down the street. My two year old getting his own crib, if you know what I mean. A place he can call his own, and draw on the walls with crayons all he wants.

But wait, there’s more! What if he already has a mortgage? Hey, it’s not unfathomable. Perhaps some rival bank beat them to the punch–they’ve had two years to do it, after all. In that event, they’re prepared to offer him a home equity line of credit.

I can’t tell you how badly I want to get an application form, fill it out in crayon, and send it in.

After my two year old gets a chance to scribble on it, of course.

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