R. Collins refuses to concede the election

R. Collins Farquhar IV, aristocrat, scientist, and next president of the United States

To the voting populace.


Be it known that this past election was so close that I refuse to concede it.John Kerry’s rapid concession of the election proves that he is not an aristocrat. Unlike him, I did not marry my aristocracy. George W. Bush’s rapid proclamation of victory proves, well, nothing, because the votes are not all in. Unlike him, I did not marry my education.

There was one candidate who was qualified for the job of most powerful man in the world, and time will tell that that candidate was R. Collins Farquhar IV.

Unlike that pretender Kerry, I will not concede election until every vote is counted and either my manservants, lawyers, or myself have had a chance to personally tampe… er, examine, each and every ballot.

If anything, the events of the past week prove that the time is right for R. Collins as president. The political unrest in France and Palestine proves it.

I will not rest until we have conquered France and turned it into a training ground for our other wars, and I will not sit and watch as the jobs for our peasants get outsourced to foreign peasants. Our rabble need jobs just as much as the foreign rabble. If the foreign rabble want our jobs, they can get it the old fashioned way: Get an aristocrat to sponsor them and pay their way over here in exchange for a pre-agreed amount of indentured servitude. And when that time has expired, they can apply for a peasant’s job, or remain a manservant.

Or become a soldier. We will always have job openings there.

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5 thoughts on “R. Collins refuses to concede the election

  • November 12, 2004 at 8:58 am

    I am undecided… do I punch you, or your mother?

    • November 12, 2004 at 9:05 am

      Okay, my apologies… your mother is unpunchable… you are lucky to have one so wise.

      Now, let’s discuss the French invasion plan.

    • November 13, 2004 at 5:25 pm

      Hey, now! How did I get brought into this?

      Thoughts and views expressed by R. Collins in no way reflect my own and I will not be held responsible for them. –Dave’s mom

  • November 12, 2004 at 9:38 am

    R. Collins, your most powerful feature is under your arms. I don’t believe even the American rabble would elect you based on your power to anesthetize livestock.

    Let me express my condolences on your astounding defeat, R. Collins. America was originally an English colony, so that a Scot was trounced only repeats history immemorial. Since Scotland is so new to this independence thing, one cannot expect them to be good politicians.

    I must interject on the topic of voter fitness. As R. Collins may not be aware, the peasantry is allowed to vote in America. Of course, rational people should not allow this. Voters should own property and have a sufficient IQ score, since those with such characteristics know what is best for the country. I suspect IQ may have played a part in R. Collins’ failed presidential bid.

    As for invading France, many have tried. And France still stands. Another transparent, jealous plank in R. Collins’ platform.

    • November 12, 2004 at 1:55 pm

      Many have tried. They obtained a ticket on a first class carrier but their luggage was lost. Without a reservation in a fine hotel, one must rough it.
      The French are known for their rudeness to invaders.
      They do make exceptions for the Germans. The French planted those magnificent oaks on the boulevards so the Germanic hordes might march in the shade.
      R. Collins would be President today if he had acknowledged his Irish side.

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