Pretentious Pontifications: Raunche sells out

Last Updated on April 15, 2017 by Dave Farquhar

Raunche interrupted my presidential campaign today by coughing up some bile about the prototype for his new computer.

I had to remind him that there are two hardware companies to trust: Intel and Microsoft. This computer incorporates neither. And multiple G5s does not a supercomputer make. Especially when it runs a second-rate operating system, which means anything but Windows, of course.What multiple G5s make, regardless of whose name ends up on the front, is nouveau riche computers suitable for aristocracy that wears high heels. (My evil twin, David, asked me if he also wears suspendies and a brar. I almost laughed.) I do hope IBM had the good sense not to put it in a translucent case with blue polka dots, but I will not hold my breath.

As for my adoring fans, you may catch a brief glimpse of me at the Scottish Festival in St. Louis at Forest Park on 9 September before I resume my run for the presidency.

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2 thoughts on “Pretentious Pontifications: Raunche sells out

  • September 29, 2004 at 9:37 pm

    Ah, hah! I sense jealousy of the new system for my study. The jealousy of one who runs a VIA chipset in his everyday machine.

    I must address this St. Louis Scottish Games & Cultural Festival. As my loyal, intelligent readers will surely note, this could just as well have been called the St. Louis Log Throwing and Mudhut Construction Festival. (Bring Your Own Skirt.) To use "cultural" in the same sentence as "Scottish" is an insult to yogurt and the contents of petri dishes worldwide.

    But I’m sure R. Collins will enjoy carousing at this gathering. For those of you in attendance, he will be the epicene tatterdemalion. Of course, that does little to single him out. After enough stuffed sheep intestine and fermented cesspool water, I’m sure R. Collins will launch into his political harangue. Strangely, he won’t enunciate any better when sober.

    And if wearing fine boots is considered "high heels", I suppose your animal-skin mocassins are "loafers", R. Collins?

  • September 30, 2004 at 12:12 pm

    If viewers do not wish to register with the Mercury News to read the article then they should visit BugMeNot. It’s an excellent resource for usernames/passwords to news sites.

    Dustin D. Cook, A+

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