One way for neighbors to harass each other

Dan Rutter always makes me laugh. And his current front page is no exception: While he normally talks computers or R/C toys, he’s made no secret of his love for cats. And last week he made an impassioned plea for Australians to adopt cats. And he noted that his shelter of choice also has “dogs and camels and stuff.”

Which of course gave me an idea.Of course I haven’t tried this because, well, I don’t live in Australia, and when I clicked on the link promising camels all I got were fluffy bunny rabbits. No big nasty teeth, no bones strewn about, and no knights who say “ni!” in sight.

So here’s what I’m thinking, assuming someplace that promised camels actually delivered or something. I had a bad lease about five years ago that I was looking for a way out of. The place wasn’t so much the problem, it was that my neighbors were psycho.

Well, guess what? The lease didn’t say anything about not allowing pets. Camel, anyone?

I think that would have been the end of my lease. Fortunately, we’re talking about people who aren’t very smart here.

Landlords, here’s what to do if one of your tenants gets a camel. First, find out if it’s female. Hopefully it is. Then, rent a male camel from somewhere. (You’re on your own as to where you can get a camel for a day in the United States.) You know what’s next. Lots of little camels running around, that’s what.

Then when the neighbor comes calling, you act all innocent. Camel? I don’t know what you’re talking about. Oh, that camel! Nope, couldn’t be him, he was neutered. Your camel must have gotten friendly with a stray or something…

Or maybe I’m just slap-happy.

Lucky for me, my neighbors are cool. I’m the weirdest guy in the neighborhood.

Trust me, after living next door to people who believed the X-Files were real, it’s good to be the weirdest guy in the neighborhood.

6 thoughts on “One way for neighbors to harass each other

  • April 19, 2004 at 10:25 pm
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    Are you trying to tell me that Langly, Frohike, and Byers, aren’t real?

    • April 19, 2004 at 11:37 pm
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      If you want to have credibility as "weird", you’ve got to do things people think are weird. One that REALLY qualifies you is to grow your own vegetables. Don’t ask me "why", or when it became regarded as weird, it just is. Seems to me that as a landholder with endless water "on tap", literally, having a vegetable garden and maybe fruit trees is natural; but then people think I’m weird too.

      Oh, yes, you need rabbits and poultry too, but you can work up to that. Although just post-easter would probably be a good time to pick up some surplus stock from an animal shelter.

      • April 20, 2004 at 5:47 pm
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        1. I do grow vegetables, though not in large quantities.
        2. I live alone and yet have more than one computer in my house, and they are all networked together.
        3. Not all of those computers run Windows.
        4. I play with trains.
        5. I find fixing beat-up old trains I got from eBay more fun than running trains.
        6. I don’t even seem to care all that much if those trains look very real.
        7. I come and go at all hours of the day and night. (That’s part of my job so I can’t help it, but it still looks weird.)
        8. I root for the Kansas City Royals even though I live in St. Louis.
        9. I actually put BBQ sauce on my BBQ.

        In St. Louis, I think #8 and #9 are more than enough to put me over the top.

    • April 20, 2004 at 5:39 pm
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      yes

  • April 20, 2004 at 2:44 pm
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    Too bad you didn’t think of this 14 years ago!

  • April 20, 2004 at 9:35 pm
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    I’ve found that the best time to dig your garden is late at night. There’s nothing like a shovel and a coleman lantern to get the neighbors talking.


    I’m just glad I’m not like those wicked Pharisees…

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