Matt, one of the higher ups in my department, departed from the company on Friday. Rich, a coworker I’ve now worked with in two different shops in two different states, got Matt’s office. Rich grew fond of wandering in to Matt’s office at random times during the week with a tape measure, just to make Matt wonder.
But Matt got the last laugh.
I last saw Matt at about 10 in the morning, wheeling a very large trash can out of his office. You know the large trash cans with a slot in the top and a lock, for disposing of sensitive documents, to be bulk shredded? The cans that are supposed to last the entire department an entire month?
“This was empty when I started,” Matt grinned. “It’s half full now.” Then, with a grunt, he tipped the can back up and wheeled it where it belongs.
Maybe it was more than half full. But not every paper from Matt’s office ended up in that can.
At about two, Matt handed over his corporate laptop to his immediate superior, handed his keys to Rich, and bid them farewell. Not long after that, Rich walked into his new office with a handful of stuff, to slowly begin the process of moving.
He reached to open the overhead bin. It was locked. Puzzled, Rich reached for his keys, turned the lock, opened the door, and…
There was Matt.
Well, a picture of Matt.
Making a face at him.
Curious, Rich tried the other overhead bin next to it. It, too, was locked. Unlocking the bin and opening it, there was Matt again, making another goofy face at him.
Soon, everyone in the office heard the sound of locks unlocking, and Rich laughing. Behind every door, inside every desk drawer, and everywhere else Matt could possibly hide a picture of himself making silly faces, he had. Soon, a crowd gathered outside Rich’s door, to find out what the commotion was about. Rich scrambled to shut all the doors, making a sound not unlike that of an elephant on roller skates slamming into cars in the process. The noise caused the crowd to swell even more.
“Stand right there,” Rich instructed the crowd, “to get the full effect.”
Rich then rapidly flipped open every door and every drawer, allowing the onlookers onlookers to take in the gallery of Matt.
“I think I’m going to have to keep these,” Rich roared.
I’ve left a few j0bs in my time, and as much as I wish otherwise, I must regretfully say I’ve never thought of doing that.
Too bad. It’s also too bad that Matt wasn’t there to see the reaction.
David Farquhar is a computer security professional, entrepreneur, and author. He started his career as a part-time computer technician in 1994, worked his way up to system administrator by 1997, and has specialized in vulnerability management since 2013. He invests in real estate on the side and his hobbies include O gauge trains, baseball cards, and retro computers and video games. A University of Missouri graduate, he holds CISSP and Security+ certifications. He lives in St. Louis with his family.