Last Updated on April 18, 2017 by Dave Farquhar
Questions; CS UK; Music
Why didn’t I answer any mail last night? Because I was getting cultured. My friend Jeanne was planning a trip to a natural foods market called Wild Oats and asked if I wanted to come along. Another friend had recommended I go there to get some soy powder when she found out I’d temporarily become a vegetarian. So hey, why not? I’ll try anything once, right? Well, not quite anything, but what harm can it do?
An irony hit me, of course. The natural market called Wild Oats… A juice place in Columbia called The Main Squeeze… Why is it so many health-related places use double-entendre names? I mean, strip clubs aren’t that provocatively named. Oh well.
So I got there and I noticed an awful lot of signs that said you had to pay before you started eating. Isn’t that common courtesy? Sheesh. The first thing I set out to get was an eggplant. I know I can get eggplant at the regular grocery store, but hey, I was there, so why not? Besides, maybe organically grown eggplant is better for you. I just have a suspicion that eggplant would make a killer pizza topping. So I got myself a nice one-and-a-half-pound eggplant while Jeanne talked about this guy who used to wander around town holding an eggplant like a baby. Hey, I might be eccentric, but I’m not that eccentric.
Then I spied alfalfa sprouts, which I suspect would make a great soyburger topping. Probably even better on beef, but hey, I won’t be eating that for a while yet. Unfortunately they only sold those in huge packages that’d probably last me a month, but I doubt they’d keep that long. Then I spied seeds. “Make your own sprouts!” it proclaimed. A 4-oz. package of seeds is supposed to make several pounds of sprouts. Hmm, $2.99 for that, versus $1.99 for a pound of alfalfa I’ll end up throwing out because most of it goes bad, and I can make whatever quantities I want… Easy decision.
We walked down the vitamin/mineral/herbal aisle. I picked up some manganese because it’s hard to find. And I found soy powder in some manly-sized containers. My friend Brenna had said to put a scoop in the blender along with some fruit. Cool. I had my powder, now all I needed was some fruit and a blender… Then I realized a manly man doesn’t need a blender. Why blend with a blender when you can blend with a Dremel?
We walked down the snack aisle, where I spied Soy nuts. Barbecue flavor. “These’ll be good for my image,” I said, grabbing a bag. I’ll keep the empty bag at work when I’m done with it. Cubicle decoration.
We walked up and down the store. In the pet food section I spied something curious: vegetarian dog food. I picked up a can. “Yes, some people force it on their dogs too.”
“Forcing vegetarianism on your dog is just wrong,” I said. “It’s not natural.” I half-regretted it afterward, seeing as there were probably a lot of vegetarians around, but I didn’t get any dirty looks.
I noticed Wild Oats was very heavy on people with dreadlocks and tattoos. I noticed I got a few looks, mostly from girls. I suspect it’s because I was dressed conservatively. Not that there’s anything at all wrong with looks from girls, mind you.
“I bet I was the only Republican in there,” I said as we left the store. Jeanne laughed. “I should have applied for minority status.”
And after we walked out to the car in the rain and drove off, I realized I hadn’t inspected the lot too closely. “Was that an SUV liberal place?” I asked.
“Yes it was,” Jeanne said.
I said there weren’t many things more hypocritical than a big, oversized SUV with environmentalist bumper stickers on it. She agreed.
Questions; CS UK; Music
David Farquhar is a computer security professional, entrepreneur, and author. He started his career as a part-time computer technician in 1994, worked his way up to system administrator by 1997, and has specialized in vulnerability management since 2013. He invests in real estate on the side and his hobbies include O gauge trains, baseball cards, and retro computers and video games. A University of Missouri graduate, he holds CISSP and Security+ certifications. He lives in St. Louis with his family.