Comments on: Pretentious Pontifications: Tennis

By: Anonymous

Anonymous — Mon, 27 May 2002 15:11:34 +0000

I am sure that it is not beyond even your common intelligence, Jeanne, to imagine having a higher-tier public court closed for private use? The keepers of these courts closed the gates and watched in awe at our playing. I imagine they had never seen two gentleman playing tennis in smoking jackets, smoking cigars, and ne'er spilling a drop of brandy from our snifters.

And R. Collins, I'll just let you consider what I may have in that underground concrete hanger of mine. As for the lawn, yes, one can mow one's insightful quotes when one has such a swath of land. Being of lesser wealth, I realize your major thrill is cutting your lawn with your "lawn tractor", but I still wonder why you cannot hire help to do this (and try to civilize them, of course). Your lawn is merely the size of my side driveway, 15,000 square feet at most.

By: Anonymous

Anonymous — Mon, 27 May 2002 14:35:43 +0000

"Fantasizing about planes he does not own..."

Raunche is just jealous because I got the only airworthy Tu-144 left before he could. There are other airframes that could perhaps be purchased and refurbished, but the cost would be prohibitive. Unfortunately, if you want a luxury supersonic jet, there is no viable alternative.

However, it is reasonably easy to pick up a MiG. Raunche needs to get over his speed jealousy, plunk down the cash, and get one. Certainly he can buy a MiG for what it costs him to keep some of his favorite quotations (all coined by himself, of course) cut into his lawn so that they are visible from the air...

By: Anonymous

Anonymous — Mon, 27 May 2002 03:20:15 +0000

Mr. le Raunche de la Stenche…
I understand that a man of your esteemed wealth and mental capacity would have many admirers and pupils. However, I am still at a loss as how you would allow yourselves to be seen at a PUBLIC tennis court. Yes, yes– the touching up of both you and Mr. Farquhar’s portraits. But Heaven knows that between you and Mr. R. Collins Farquhar, there should be enough friends to keep you on a private court. But I do say “Bravo” if your public appearance was made to satisfy your many fans. How noble of you indeed. Your worth then– of which there is much, I’m sure– will have risen dramatically.

By: Anonymous

Anonymous — Mon, 27 May 2002 02:23:52 +0000

I was cleaning some of my custom-design pipes, so I obviously had better things to do than to respond to this common tripe. But if I must...

First, R. Collins, I'll let you in on a secret: those four gawking youngsters are pupils of mine. I teach my superior lifestyle to so many, though, that I cannot identify them by sight. I'll only say that they were obviously very new to my program. I believe some of the less cultured would call these people "groupies". Seeing as R. Collins is far too busy fantasizing about planes he does not own, I know they were not following him.

And David, if you cannot recall your grade in college philosophy, I dare say you learned nothing. And your obvious logical fallacy proves that. As a wise man once said, "An elephant never forgets." And obviously, your brother and I are social elephants.

By: Anonymous

Anonymous — Sun, 26 May 2002 21:03:28 +0000

Philosphy huh? Hum, didn’t realize they changed the spelling of that word…

By: Anonymous

Anonymous — Sun, 26 May 2002 19:48:05 +0000

Don: Big egos have been around forever. So I would say raunchy is timeless. And since retro occurred in time, that would mean raunchy was present in whatever time period "retro" means. So, therefore, the inevitable conclusion is that raunchy is retro.

(I'm pretty sure I got an A in my college philosophy class.)

By: Anonymous

Anonymous — Sun, 26 May 2002 18:55:15 +0000

Neither! We both had the images of ourselves on our private courts retouched, and the paint wasn’t dry yet. Patience is of course among my finest virtues, but Raunche was unwilling to wait so long.

By: Anonymous

Anonymous — Sun, 26 May 2002 17:38:34 +0000

Ouch! Jeanne’s jumping all over you R Collins Farquhar IV.

By: Anonymous

Anonymous — Sun, 26 May 2002 14:15:47 +0000

I take it you were playing on a public court if “a quartet of young-looking commoners” took up residency in the court next to yours. Were you all slumming or was your own court getting repaved so you could have an image of yourself painted on the surface?

By: Anonymous

Anonymous — Sun, 26 May 2002 13:06:15 +0000

I heard that they were considering chaning the rules of football. Once you caught the ball, no one could touch you until you enter the end zone and then it’s just so your teammates can dance with you in celebration.