My two-year-old got a hand-addressed letter in the mail today from his bank. He has a kids’ club account there. They give kids some ridiculous interest rate (7% or so) on balances up to $500, up until age 13. It’s an effective tactic to get parents in the door so they can sell them other accounts and services.
The contents of the letter weren’t exactly what I expected. My wife couldn’t figure out why I was laughing uncontrollably.The letter, you see, was from the senior loan officer. It was offering him a mortgage, and offering to get him pre-approved at no charge.
I have visions of a red Radio Flyer pedal car and a red tricycle parked in the driveway of the house for sale down the street. My two year old getting his own crib, if you know what I mean. A place he can call his own, and draw on the walls with crayons all he wants.
But wait, there’s more! What if he already has a mortgage? Hey, it’s not unfathomable. Perhaps some rival bank beat them to the punch–they’ve had two years to do it, after all. In that event, they’re prepared to offer him a home equity line of credit.
I can’t tell you how badly I want to get an application form, fill it out in crayon, and send it in.
After my two year old gets a chance to scribble on it, of course.
David Farquhar is a computer security professional, entrepreneur, and author. He started his career as a part-time computer technician in 1994, worked his way up to system administrator by 1997, and has specialized in vulnerability management since 2013. He invests in real estate on the side and his hobbies include O gauge trains, baseball cards, and retro computers and video games. A University of Missouri graduate, he holds CISSP and Security+ certifications. He lives in St. Louis with his family.