Humor/Satire Archives - The Silicon Underground David L. Farquhar on technology old and new, computer security, and more Tue, 24 Mar 2026 00:39:55 +0000 en-US hourly 1 https://kerosin.digital/rss-chimp16321610 Why I’m not allowed to buy detergent https://dfarq.homeip.net/my-sunday-errand/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=my-sunday-errand https://dfarq.homeip.net/my-sunday-errand/#comments Wed, 02 Mar 2016 12:00:33 +0000 https://dfarq.homeip.net/?p=8304 Sunday morning, we ran out of detergent, so I ran to Family Dollar to get some. Good miser that I am, I bought the cheapest bottle I could find. It came in a purple bottle, and it was a brand

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]]> https://dfarq.homeip.net/my-sunday-errand/feed/ 1 8304 The midlife crisis-wrecking Caravan https://dfarq.homeip.net/the-midlife-crisis-wrecking-caravan/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=the-midlife-crisis-wrecking-caravan https://dfarq.homeip.net/the-midlife-crisis-wrecking-caravan/#comments Mon, 19 Oct 2015 11:00:25 +0000 https://dfarq.homeip.net/?p=7776 Around the time I got my driver’s license, my mom’s family hauler was a 1988 or 1989 Dodge Caravan, the old non-stretched version, with a 4-cylinder turbocharged Mitsubishi engine in it. I have several coworkers who are car enthusiasts and

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]]> https://dfarq.homeip.net/the-midlife-crisis-wrecking-caravan/feed/ 1 7776 Dave Farquhar, lunch ninja https://dfarq.homeip.net/dave-farquhar-lunch-ninja/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=dave-farquhar-lunch-ninja Wed, 11 Mar 2015 11:00:12 +0000 https://dfarq.homeip.net/?p=7617 My boss doesn’t think I’m human. His proof: He asks anyone who knows me if he or she has ever seen me eat. No one has. They’ve seen evidence of me eating. But actually taking a bite? No. Not even

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]]> 7617 My coworker’s car got stolen. His 10-year-old found it. https://dfarq.homeip.net/my-coworkers-car-got-stolen-his-10-year-old-found-it/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=my-coworkers-car-got-stolen-his-10-year-old-found-it https://dfarq.homeip.net/my-coworkers-car-got-stolen-his-10-year-old-found-it/#comments Thu, 22 Jan 2015 11:00:00 +0000 https://dfarq.homeip.net/?p=7555 “I started my car this morning to let it warm up,” my coworker, Jon, told me on Tuesday. “And when I went back out to my car two minutes later, it was gone.” It took a few seconds for that

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]]> https://dfarq.homeip.net/my-coworkers-car-got-stolen-his-10-year-old-found-it/feed/ 1 7555 Things my sons say to me as I leave for work https://dfarq.homeip.net/things-my-sons-say-to-me-as-i-leave-for-work/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=things-my-sons-say-to-me-as-i-leave-for-work Tue, 28 Jan 2014 11:00:57 +0000 https://dfarq.homeip.net/?p=6944 Every morning I say goodbye to everyone as I walk out the front door to leave for work. Including the dog. I always tell her not to let any cats or squirrels in the house. Last week I added mooses

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]]> 6944 How many Fortune 25 companies does it take to change a light bulb? https://dfarq.homeip.net/how-many-fortune-25-companies-does-it-take-to-change-a-light-bulb/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=how-many-fortune-25-companies-does-it-take-to-change-a-light-bulb https://dfarq.homeip.net/how-many-fortune-25-companies-does-it-take-to-change-a-light-bulb/#comments Tue, 30 Jul 2013 11:00:22 +0000 https://dfarq.homeip.net/?p=6752 I’m working right now for a Fortune 25 company. This story is going to sound like bragging, so I’ll ask forgiveness in advance. Maybe if I mention I’m a contractor, then it’s not bragging quite so bad. Well, said Fortune

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]]> https://dfarq.homeip.net/how-many-fortune-25-companies-does-it-take-to-change-a-light-bulb/feed/ 2 6752 Tips for completing your employee self-evaluation https://dfarq.homeip.net/tips-for-completing-your-employee-self-evaluation/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=tips-for-completing-your-employee-self-evaluation Fri, 16 Sep 2011 01:36:14 +0000 https://dfarq.homeip.net/?p=4179 Check all of the boxes marked “Exceptional Performance.” In the blank labeled Employee’s Comments under Overall assessment, write “Look on my works, ye mighty, and despair!” Print it out, sign and date it, and hand to your supervisor. Don’t forget

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]]> 4179 Our call is very important to us https://dfarq.homeip.net/our-call-is-very-important-to-us/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=our-call-is-very-important-to-us https://dfarq.homeip.net/our-call-is-very-important-to-us/#comments Thu, 09 Jun 2011 23:27:56 +0000 https://dfarq.homeip.net/?p=3552 A coworker got a phone call today, from something resembling a reverse answering machine. He answered the phone and got a recorded message apologizing that there aren’t enough agents available to speak with him, and please leave a name and

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]]> https://dfarq.homeip.net/our-call-is-very-important-to-us/feed/ 3 3552 Dumb office quote of the day https://dfarq.homeip.net/dumb-office-quote-of-the-day/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=dumb-office-quote-of-the-day https://dfarq.homeip.net/dumb-office-quote-of-the-day/#comments Thu, 19 Jan 2006 00:51:48 +0000 https://dfarq.homeip.net/?p=1538 Every once in a while at work I hear something that should have been a line out of Office Space.

The line? "You're not supposed to work at your desks."

What, pray tell, are we supposed to do there, then? Drink beer and play cards?

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]]> https://dfarq.homeip.net/dumb-office-quote-of-the-day/feed/ 1 1538 Working with idiots can kill you https://dfarq.homeip.net/working-with-idiots-can-kill-you/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=working-with-idiots-can-kill-you https://dfarq.homeip.net/working-with-idiots-can-kill-you/#comments Thu, 02 Jun 2005 00:46:50 +0000 https://dfarq.homeip.net/?p=1457 My mom sent me a newspaper article today to make me feel better. Maybe I should say she sent what looks like a newspaper article. I don't think it's genuine, for a number of reasons: no byline, feature style in what's presented as a hard news story, grammatical errors you wouldn't expect to see in a newspaper, only one source, more than half the story is long quotes from the single source, and most convincingly, I couldn't find any mention of it online.

Still, it at least makes an entertaining read. I present it verbatim.

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