As a young teenager and young adult I was involved
in several bad relationships, almost all of which
ended because of stupid things I did. I was real good
at getting girlfriends and real bad with "what to do
next." Inevitably I’ve run across some of these
people online on Facebook and I’ve taken those
opportunities to apologize. I had one girl who was
really hurt by the way I had acted in high school and
all I could do was say I was sorry. The only defense I
had was that, at the age of 16, yes, I made some
immature decisions and I regret the way I handled
some things in the past. For almost 20 years this
person had felt like they had done something wrong
and, in a weird way, it felt good to let her know that,
no, it was all me.

In the past I have broken a few really good
friendships and I found it easy to reach out to those
people via Facebook. Mostly I extended a friendly
handshake and offered an apology all in one
message. In all but one case the apologies have
been accepted, and in most cases, over time, we’ve
been able to repair friendships and relationships. For
the most part these are people that don’t even live
in my town anymore; the odds of running into them
at the store and making amends that way isn’t very
likely.

On the other hand, I’ve had at least one person
contact me who, for personal reasons, I was not
ready to forgive. It seems a bit hippocritical and
maybe it is, but this person really, really wronged
me. Perhaps I am not as big of a man as I expect or
at least hope others will be. I’m working on it.

One thing I have found is that people’s memories
are totally different. I’ve had multiple ex-school
buddies "friend" me on Facebook. The only
memories I have of some of these people are bad,
whether they know it or not. At my ten year reunion I
had a girl tell me, "I can’t believe not everybody
came — high school was the best time of my life!" I
remember thinking, "I’m sure it was FOR YOU." I can
distinctly this person and her friends making fun of
my hair one day, cackling in the hallway as I
desperately tried to get to a bathroom and see what
they were laughing about. Maybe these people are
doing the same thing I did (trying to make up for
decades-old wrongs) or maybe they simple don’t
remember stinging comments that I’ve held on for
far too long.

When it works, it works. One of my old ex-girlfriends
is now happily married. Her kids are cute as can be
and we talk on occasion, sometimes about the past
but more often about the present. She talks about
her family and I talk about mine and we’re just old
friends keeping up with one another.

When it doesn’t work, well, at least it’s not as
awkward (for both parties) as if it had happened in
person. Messages can be ignored or deleted. In
these cases, the sender should take the hint and
move along.

I have done Option 2 when faced with the exact same thing. Followed within 48 hours by deleting my Facebook account; that message plus a lot of other people finding me made me realize just how happy I am that "the past is a different country." But I did keep my wife in the loop, I CC her on emails etc. to women, and so forth. No secrets, best policy.