Comments on: A train layout photo

By: Anonymous

Anonymous — Fri, 18 Feb 2005 16:06:05 +0000

In reply to Anonymous. I see you have awakened from your drunken stupor, R. Collins. How is your distillery running these days?

Ich übergebe, as anyone with minimal multilingual capabilities will tell you, is German for the Gaelic Mi liubhair, Gall-maighstir!, or I surrender, English master! The traditional response from a Scot's conquering English overlord is Gu sail, Gaidhealach cù! - Heel, Scottish dog! For further exploration, I direct readers to the Scottish "government" homepage at http://www.scotland.gov.UK. For those interested in a sovereign nation state, visit the French prime minister's site at http://www.premier-ministre.gouv.FR/en/.

Allow me to offer further insight into Scottish history. From a volume in my rare books collection:

SCOTS

Racial Characteristics:
Sour, stingy, depressing beggars who parade around in schoolgirl skirts with nothing on underneath. Their fumbled attempt at speaking the English language has been a source of amusement for five centuries, and their idiot music has been dreaded by those not blessed with deafness for at least as long. The latter is produced on a device resembling five flutes that have grown a piss bladder. Formerly, the Scots painted themselves blue and ranged far and wide over the British Isles, but good fortune prevailed and they were conquered by their betters. What passes for an alcoholic beverage in the dreary province to which the Scots have been driven has enjoyed a short vogue among sales and advertising types, but this appears to be giving way to cocaine.

Good Points:
Attractive plaids.

An Anecdote Illustrating Something of the Scots Character:
In recent years, the small Scottish Nationalist movement has become so desperate that it's been kidnapping money and ransoming it for people.

By: Anonymous

Anonymous — Fri, 18 Feb 2005 14:57:24 +0000

There are still a few old country towns and rail stations scattered around North and South Carolina. (There’s a lot fewer stations.) Places like Winnsboro, Waxhaw and Fort Mill, SC immediately come to mind. These small country towns still retain most of their old downtown / main street charm, and it’s quite a beautiful thing.

By: Anonymous

Anonymous — Fri, 18 Feb 2005 05:06:42 +0000

In reply to Anonymous.

R. Collins Farquhar IV, aristocrat and scientist.

To the incorrigible French nobleman who proves it is possible, at times even necessary, to buy one’s way into aristocracy.

Greeting:

Raunche, might I remind you that just last week you won a game of Aristocratic Jeopardy, and the answer, to which you set a new land speed record in responding with the correct question, was "Ich übergebe."

I will leave the rest of the world to Altavista’s Babelfish to learn the meaning of this particular German phrase. Why it is useful to a Frenchman will be immediately obvious.

By: Anonymous

Anonymous — Thu, 17 Feb 2005 15:46:10 +0000

I have returned from my well-deserved sabbatical in Madagascar. As a special treat, I even brought my manservants and allowed them to earn extra money combing my private beach. This money, of course, went directly toward trinkets such as beads, shells, and so forth. I feel satisfied that my visit improved the country’s economy. Philanthropy never takes a vacation.

David, I must correct your bludgeoning of R. Collins’ "holdings". I know him well, and can say irrefutably that he has a wealth of natural gas, not oil. Those skirts that he wears, I suspect, could be classified as industrial devices, used to hold his gas pockets. I can attest that much is lost to leakage in the open air.

R. Collins also has strong interest in the dung-burning factories sprouting up around his native island homeland. I do believe that this could surpass golf and self-loathing as Scotland’s most notable export to date. One wonders how they will thatch their roofs, though.