Grisoft has offered a free edition of its AVG 6.0 antivirus software for several years. Unfortunately it has discontinued the product and will stop offering updates on 31 December.

The solution is to download their new free version.

I'm going to be spending most of Saturday patching servers at work, and Microsoft just kindly dropped four new patches I didn't want in my Easter basket (so run Windows Update on your home PC if you haven't recently), and that reminds me of something.

End users are notoriously bad about running Windows Update and updating their virus definitions, both of which really need to be done on a regular basis in these terrible times. Microsoft doesn't seem to realize not everyone has broadband and this takes some time, but that's the price of running Windows, I guess.

I have a suggestion for people who aren't very technical.

Just in case anybody is curious, my employer's virus scanners filtered roughly 3,000 copies of Novarg (a.k.a. My Doom) during working hours yesteray. If that's not a record for us, it approaches it. I know we weren't the only one.

SQL Slammer hit where it counts, including HP--historically, one of the biggest Microsoft supporters around--and Microsoft itself.

If the 'Net was slow today, it was because of a new worm, called SQLSlammer, that infected vulnerable Windows servers running Microsoft's SQL database.

If you want to wreck your computer with a virus and put your neighbors' computers at serious risk, there's a really easy way to do it. Just be really cavalier with your e-mail habits. Approach e-mail with reckless abandon, and you'll quickly receive your just reward.

I left for Promise Keepers as planned late Friday morning, but not before I had a hectic morning with Nimda. Nimda didn't spread too far (it seems most people got it from visiting Web sites, and in a lot of cases it was just pieces of it sitting dormant in browser caches), but we had no way of knowing that until we visited virtually every PC on the network. That takes a while--especially when you find people with anti-virus software that came free with a PC they bought in 1995 or 1996 whose definitions were last updated when Ace of Base was popular.

Who in his or her right mind believes the customer is always right? Not I. I've seen too many customers who hadn't a clue about what they wanted, or worse, who deliberately fibbed when the nice survey taker with the clipboard asked them what they'd like: "Mrs. Ferguson, would you like your next car better if it had a heated cup holder?"

Virus insanity. Dark and early yesterday morning, a warning from the good Dr. Keyboard made its way across the Atlantic and into my inbox. "Beware nakedwife.exe," it said, with a postscript: "Who would open an unexpected executable anyway?"

Bright and early yesterday morning, I responded. "About 90% of the users I support. Thanks for the heads up."

Fortunately for me, our e-mail administrator remembered the chaos wrought by LoveLetter nearly a year ago and filtered out the attachment at the server side. If what's now known as W32.naked ever arrived at my place of employment, Outlook literally never knew what hit it.

Unfortunately for everyone else, the vast majority of people--including people savvy enough to build their own PCs and even network them--seem to just blindly open any attachment people send to them. And that's how computers get infected, and messes like W32.naked spread.

When an unexpected attachment arrives, there are two and only two safe things to do with it:

1a. Update your virus definitions
1b. Detach the attachment, saving it to your desktop or someplace else
1c. Scan the attachment for viruses, and if it's infected, delete it immediately.
1d. Verify the attachment is indeed what it claims to be. Open it in WordPad before opening it elsewhere. You'll develop an eye for what a JPEG file looks like in WordPad, or an MP3 file, etc. Open a few files you already know are JPEGs and MP3s to get your eye trained. If what you see is what appears to be executable code, the file's not what it appears to be. Delete it immediately.
1e. If you must, now that you've verified the file isn't anything dangerous, open it for your viewing pleasure.

Steps 1c and 1d can be interchanged.

Or:

2. Delete the file.
(optional step 2b). E-mail the person and kindly ask them not to send you that kind of stuff anymore.

I don't have time for process 1. At work I've got computers to set up, computers to fix, documentation to write, meetings to attend, people sticking their heads in my cube (I really must look into getting a pair of Mastiffs to keep at my cube's entryway to keep that from happening), so e-mail attachments at work go straight to file 13 about 90 percent of the time. Hello, strange file. Now that I've met you would you object to never seeing each other again? You can leave a message but I'll only press erase, let's skip hello and go straight to goodbye. Now that you've seen the doctor, don't call me anymore. I think you get the point.

It's much better to miss the occasional joke than to lose data and then have to spend all day reinstalling everything. Whatever happened to telling jokes in person, anyway? Seems a lost art these days...

There really isn't a good way to automate the process and keep your computer safe. Trust me, if there were, wouldn't you think I'd have figured it out? You're talking to the guy who spent a week trying to figure out how to get Windows 9x to boot out of a ramdisk, after all.

Of course I'm mostly preaching to the choir here. But maybe this is a new concept to someone out there...

The virus parade continues. I saw some really disturbing speculation on BetaNews today. Of course there's the news of 10 variants on VBS.LoveLetter. Worse yet, there's speculation of what kind of havoc a trojan horse jumping on ICQ could cause. I don't know if ICQ is scriptable, but what if someone implemented a program that contacts the ICQ network (possibly by borrowing code from one of the open-source Linux ICQ clones), then sends itself to all of your ICQ contacts? A lot of ICQ users indiscriminately accept and run any file sent to them. Just another conduit. Hopefully it's beyond most virus writers. (Most virus writers are on my programming level. If I download a real program, you know, like an open-source Linux utility, I'm pretty clueless about four lines in. I can follow virus code, because it's simple.)