Raunche interrupted my presidential campaign today by coughing up some bile about the prototype for his new computer.

I had to remind him that there are two hardware companies to trust: Intel and Microsoft. This computer incorporates neither. And multiple G5s does not a supercomputer make. Especially when it runs a second-rate operating system, which means anything but Windows, of course.

What multiple G5s make, regardless of whose name ends up on the front, is nouveau riche computers suitable for aristocracy that wears high heels. (My evil twin, David, asked me if he also wears suspendies and a brar. I almost laughed.) I do hope IBM had the good sense not to put it in a translucent case with blue polka dots, but I will not hold my breath.

As for my adoring fans, you may catch a brief glimpse of me at the Scottish Festival in St. Louis at Forest Park on 9 September before I resume my run for the presidency.